He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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