So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
