I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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