I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
