she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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