: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
