the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
