i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
