that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
