Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
