i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want to make out with him forever
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
