i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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