I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize