MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
