I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
