I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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