my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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