there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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