Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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