Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
