You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
