Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
