And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
