What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize