Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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