anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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