i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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