Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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