she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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