i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
