please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
