Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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