two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
