Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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