we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize