you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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