tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
