she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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