Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
