he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
