OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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