ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
