I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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