so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
