another moral hangover. fuck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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