went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
