make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize