I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
