I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize