Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
