One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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