We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
