from now on my penis is your penis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
