I got her a Nickelback box set.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
