Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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