1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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