Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
