census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
