highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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