Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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