Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
