Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
