She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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