You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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