she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Every concussion has its silver lining
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize