Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
