Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
