We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
