She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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