I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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