mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
