sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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