Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
