If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
