i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need water and some morals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
