Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
