im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
