are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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