he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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