I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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