tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
