I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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