david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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