i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
