If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
