bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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